I found this

This is an old writing I found. I can't really remember how old it is. Comments are wanted on these. Whether they are really old freewritings I find, weird writings that seem out of character or exactly what one could expect from my strange self, I appreciate the comments.

I was hoping it would work. Everything I have done is the beginning of the brink of complete complication. Everyday I am figuring out a little bit more, solving snippets in my head as I go through my daily tasks. Every minute of every hour I am thinking about her, wishing she was here. I am always selfishly hoping she will see things the way I do. My best friend torn by confusion, coming from a broken home, holding out to keep a friendship…My brain trying to analyze the situation while every other impulse in my body is telling me that this is my chance. “My chance is now, my chance to do something that I had not yet done.” I could chase this feeling as long as humanly possible, but it will not be returned. I have admitted defeat. This is the one instance in which a feeling so great has not been mutual. This was the only time, yet it was the only time I had been badgered and swarmed by any feeling of this magnitude. A blood rush every time I see her, an uneasy feeling in my stomach from each thought of her touch. Perhaps it was because this possibility was so infinitely tiny. Maybe it was because it was because it was so close to impossible that it wrecked everyday with emotional overload. I am exhausted, sick and tired of doing everything alone. Watching people in the park, on the sidewalk…“That could be me”. I try to stay positive, telling myself, “Later, we will work.”

No. Today it won’t. Today is what matters. This point scored on me everyday, like the point of a sharp blade, the cold metal piercing my skin helped me reach a significant conclusion. There is no tomorrow; it does not exist until it happens.

Everything that I love and hold dear in this world is quickly rendered trivial as I spend each "next" day with her. It is contagious. It is a disease in which every thought that grazes my mind is plagued with her.

crazy?

In my internet class (intro to management information systems DATA) each student is given 84 tasks to complete with software developed by SAM.

Over a period of about 3 weeks, I completed 38 of 84. However, when I went to start working on them again on Wednesday (2 days before they are due) I found out that the SAM server had a crash and all of my tasks were deleted. I went to the lab library as soon as possible. At 7:46 pm I started over from scratch. The lab computer is slow, the work is lame, and the software leaves much to be desired. However, after 1 hour and 8 minutes, I finished the assignment. I started to upload the files to the SAM server....and **thud** I'm not really sure what the thud was. It could have been:

a) my heart dropping
b) the sound of me pushing the monitor off of the desk in my 2 second day dream
c) me getting up and pushing the chair into the desk as I walked out of the library in disgust

Regardless, I came back to the computer, hoping that it was untrue, but knowing good and well that all of the information was lost in the transfer. As I stared at the screen, I contemplated my hatred for SAM and any other incompetent businesses, but realized that it was time for a decision. I had 1 hour and 6 minutes left, 2 minutes less than it took me to do the assignment the last time. I then decided to email my professor to inform him of my current computer misfortunes so that he might be considerate when I fail to turn it in.

After emailing professor Sears, it dawned on me: this ridiculous sub-par program deserved to be conquered as a cheetah would quickly hunt and slaughter a baby gazelle. I quickly logged back into the program, and began on task #1. This time, however, I was not going to abide by the laymen's rules of the training. I would do things my way. I was working as fast as the lab's outdated computer would allow me to. Using shortcuts and hotkeys, I finished each task. After a short time period, I was working on task #30. I saved my work and printed it off as evidence of my progress. Again I saved at #50 and #70. These reports were proof of SAM's inefficiency, lack of knowledge they possess on their own subject, and general immaturity as a software production company. Simultaneously SAM raised the white flag as I finished task #84. I quickly uploaded my files and printed my last report.

**After completing the assignment I checked the productivity of the rest of the students. Of course, everyone had already turned their assignments in, but how long did it take them? I was very curious. *click, click, click click* I found it. 6 hours and 38 minutes. That's what I thought. How about 22 minutes. Ya, that sounds about right.

22 minutes = actual assignment time + printing time + login time

My way was 18 times more efficient than SAM's way. Shocking...

::amaze, encourage, humble

I wrote this in high school. I just did a little revising. AKA: taking out phrases that made no sense

:: Accomplishing something considered impossible by some
:: The awkward nervousness of a first kiss
:: Warm rain on you skin
:: Tasting the faintest bit of the edge of something so great, it can't be described by words
:: The ability to hear
:: A man throws away a life of instant pleasure to pursue perfection in measures greater than the human brain can develop one thought upon
:: The joint effort of those who have nothing in common but their vision to complete the task they are faced with
:: The kid who bears the innocence and wisdom of the adult who has been through it all
:: Opportunity
:: The single mother who lives so modestly, who acts upon her gratification of giving
:: The grass breaking through the pavement with such a steady force
:: A link in a chain or a pillar in a row, so dependent on the others' strength and their strength on it's